GET TO KNOW YOUR THERAPIST:
How one’s philosophy of the world and Self-of-the-Therapist informs the therapeutic dynamic

Ben Sheff, KingfisherMFT Therapist in Training

• What are your identities (visible/invisible) that inform your worldview. How do these influence how you move through the world?

• • My world view has been shaped by many factors. I’m a 34 year old white cis male, so it’s impossible for that privilege not to inform how I experience and interact with the world. I am also Jewish, though I don’t engage religiously very often. Recent events in Israel and Palestine have brought my Jewish identity more acutely into focus and has created complicated feelings and disagreements between friends and family members.I also identify as queer/bi which is often hidden by being in relationship with a cis woman. There have been many times where I struggled to feel comfortable with my sexuality, sometimes feeling not queer enough or straight enough. The internalized pressures of bi erasure through my development has encouraged my passion for supporting visibility of the infinite spectrum and nuances of identity. I find most people, to varying degrees and consequence, have suffered in some way at the hands of internalized contextual expectation, which informs my curious and critical approach to societal norms.For myself it is important to reflect on where my internalized narratives and judgements come from so I can make informed, non-compulsory, choices about the life I’m creating. This value is something I strive to carry with me into all my social and professional interactions.

• On a day off, what is your favorite way to spend time?
  • I love to be outdoors. Surfing is a passion that occupies a huge amount of my attention and I will be in the ocean rain snow or shine as often as I can. Skiing and hiking are also favorites. These kinds of activities keep me connected to young and joyful parts of myself. Alternatively, I can be found binging a tv show, out enjoying a new restaurant, or in the kitchen trying a new cooking project (usually something slow cooking and comforting).

• How do you tap into creativity / flow in your own life?
  • Being in dialogue with other people allows me to connect with my own thoughts and engage creatively with the world around me. Sometimes I doubt that I even know anything until I’m speaking with other people and realize “oh I actually know things about this and have thoughts to share.” The process of collaborating and connecting with others is what allows me to access my critical, empathetic, and inquisitive mind.It is much harder to stare at a blank word document trying to distill what I want to say from the clutter of half thoughts running through my head most of the time.I also find flow when I’m in my body, particularly in the outdoors. It allows me to slow down, focus on what’s in front of me, and feel grounded in the world. For me, fast adrenaline inducing activities can create a level of presence and focus to which access can be elusive. After these experiences I find more gratitude and care for myself, the world around me, and my family, friends, and clients.
• How do you navigate imposter syndrome, or how did you conquer it if no longer an issue?
  • Imposter syndrome is something that still comes up for me. Particularly as a new therapist but it can creep in all over the place.In the year and a half that I have been seeing clients, the most effective way I’ve found to manage imposter syndrome is to remind myself that it is specifically the challenges and unique experiences of who I am that are my greatest strengths. Yes, I have education and training that qualifies and provides me with knowledge and ability to offer help and support.

    However, it is the ups and downs, insecurities and triumphs that motivated me to pursue this career and build empathetic, collaborative alliances with my clients. Feeling embodied and not hiding parts of myself Is how I am best able to tap into my self-confidence.

• What activity instantly calms you?
  • Jumping into the ocean or quiet snowy nighttime walks

• Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
  • “Does that make sense?” A habit of imposter syndrome and feeling self-conscious that I have just rambled incoherently.

• What is a family meal or dish that you remember fondly?
  • The smell of my grandmother’s red sauce with meatballs and Italian sausage is something near and dear to my heart. My mom still makes it for the holiday’s and it always hits the comfort food spot.

• Are there new or pressing issues (or societal trends) that you find are impacting client’s relationships and mental health?
  • The attacks and violence that erupted in Israel and Palestine in October have been coming up in session for many of my clients. Each of them has been affected differently and they hold varying opinions, but for all who have spoken about it, it is consuming significant amounts of energy and capacity.I think this moment has created challenges and divisions in sometimes unexpected ways between my clients and their partners, families, and different parts of themselves.

• What’s your best piece of relationship advice?
  • Be more curious and less defensive.Share your feelings explicitly and ask for what you want directly. We can’t get what we want from our partners without telling them what it is first.

• How would you describe therapy to an alien?
  • Therapy is a process where a person, family, or romantic relationship partners meet with a trained professional at regularly scheduled times to engage in self and relational work. A therapist can offer an informed outside perspective to help clients navigate difficult emotions and explore their patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behavior to better understand themselves and their relationships.Therapists collaborate with clients to provide care, validation, and new perspectives through difficult or painful times. Using the therapeutic relationship and professional training, therapists can help clients process and reframe their past experiences, find greater compassion for themselves, and develop new paths forward they may not have known were available to them.