GET TO KNOW YOUR THERAPIST:
How one’s philosophy of the world and Self-of-the-Therapist informs the therapeutic dynamic

Amos Wolff, LMFT KingfisherMFT Founder

• What are your identities (visible/invisible) that inform your worldview. How does these influence how you move through the world?

• • What first came to mind are visible identities that inform the privilege I hold are White and male presenting. I often reflect how this has impacted the amplification of my voice and being selected for leadership potential from a young age.My hair has always been a subject of conversation for people, so being someone who has curly hair feels like a present, and maybe a more unconventional visible identity. My Italian/German heritage has created features, that I think my hair and name amplifies, which when I was an actor were labeled “ethnically ambiguous” which affected the projects or roles I was cast in. I am curious how this similarly impacted my husband and my adoption journey, and the resulting beautiful multi-ethnic family that we now have.

    In this exploration of just a few of my visible identities I see their impact on invisible identities: former actor, adoptive parent, father.

• What was your favorite age growing up? (How would this past self react to your current therapist self?)
  • My childhood before primary school was filled with play, creativity and exploration. I would love to have more of freedom. I think this part would be very surprised by my current professional self, as well as a more introverted identity that has emerged through this work.

• On a day off, what is your favorite way to spend time?
  • With two kids less than a year a part in age I feel like responding to this as Dowager Crawley: “What is a weekend?” Not feeling like there are many days off right now! Getting to see my kids experience new things or reach new milestones is a definite joy.

• How do you tap into creativity / flow in your own life?
  • I am a home cook (who is type A) I enjoy finding a recipe and creating something from leftover or pantry items. The satisfaction of creating something out of nothing and having a moment of completion.

• How do you navigate imposter syndrome, or how did you conquer it if no longer an issue?
  • If I am experiencing imposter syndrome my knee-jerk reaction is to research and try to self-educate. What has been more successful to “conquer” is to lean into it the discomfort and trust that the learning will take place journeying through the process.

• If you could have dinner with anyone alive or dead, who would it be?
  • The people who first popped into my head were Oscar Wilde and Judy Garland, but I think I would rather be at a dinner party that I would like to be a part of rather than a one-on-one which I think might be a bit exhausting.

• What piece of culture did you last consume?
  • On a plane ride I watched “You Hurt my Feelings” and then John Early’s stand-up special on HBOMax. Both were fun social critiques off the Boomer and Millennial generations and I was also surprised how quickly culture can feel dated.

• What activity instantly calms you?
  • Petting our dog Hattie; animals have such a capacity to take on stress and literally shake it off.

• Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
  • Hm, I’m not sure I have enough self-awareness to answer this one or is it in the eye of the beholder? We’re helping my daughter potty train so “Do you have to go pee-pee?” certainly comes to mind.

• What is a family meal or dish that you remember fondly?
  • Weekly dinner at my grandmothers: lamb chops, white rice (salted and buttered) and soggy overcooked broccoli. Major comfort food.

• Which family member or friend has had the greatest impact on how you relate to others?
  • This is a hard one, particularly because there are so many people who shape how I interact with others. What comes to mind is my parents relationship to friends has shaped my connection or disconnection with friends and how I consider friendships are maintained.

• Are there new or pressing issues (or societal trends) that you find are impacting client’s relationships and mental health?
  • The forced isolation that so many couples have experienced through COVID, and now the adjustment to working from home or returning work in an office has highlighted for many an over-reliance on one another for support and community.

• What do you consider the most underrated virtue?
  • Patience. It is something I am certainly continuing to work on (and that my kids challenge me on daily). I can often be very focused on what is next and miss out on the beauty in the moment.

• What’s your best piece of relationship advice?
  • My mother-in-law shared simple wisdom at our wedding which was: “be nice to one another.” Now, “nice” is not my favorite word but I think the sentiment was to choose kind words and focus on the goodness of intent in your partners actions.

• How would you describe therapy to an alien?
  • Therapy is a way for humans to make greater sense of their existence and their relationship to themselves and one another.