GET TO KNOW YOUR THERAPIST:
How one’s philosophy of the world and Self-of-the-Therapist informs the therapeutic dynamic

Josh Chan, KingfisherMFT Therapist in Training

• What are your identities (visible/invisible) that inform your worldview? How does these influence how you move through the world?
  • I am a cisgender (invisible; privileged), gay (invisible; subjugated), male-appearing person (visible; privileged) of faith (invisible; privileged). I am a trilingual (semi-‘visible’; both privileged and subjugated) Asian (visible; subjugated) immigrant (invisible; subjugated) born and raised in Hong Kong and I spent my late teens and 20s in the Bay Area. I have a degree in fine arts and pursued marketing design and events operations before becoming a therapist. Familially, I am a son, an older brother, and the first grandson on my mother’s side. Relationally, I am a friend, a caretaker (of three pets), a student, a trainee, and an employee. The power dynamics listed above are one way I experience the world (or the US).

• What was your favorite age growing up? (How would this past self react to your current therapist self?)
  • When I was in kindergarten. Life appeared much simpler: picking out Halloween costumes, sitting under the glamors of our huge Christmas tree, building pillow forts, swimming lessons, going to the park with neighborhood friends, choosing which park to go to, etc. My child self probably would not understand what a “therapist” is, but he would be proud to find that the gentle ways in which he tried to support his cousin’s different expressions of faith or empower strangers to be mindful of their behaviors in public were essentially things a therapist does. He would probably be happy to find that Halloween and Christmas continue to be my favorite holidays.

• On a day off, what is your favorite way to spend time?
  • Going on cabin trips and traveling are two of my favorite ways to spend my time off. I’d love to cultivate a new hobby of camping/bike-packing sometime in the near future—I imagine that would be something I’d love to do.

• How do you tap into creativity / flow in your own life?
  • My creativity seems to surge when I engage in mundane, even tedious tasks: e.g. when I wander aimlessly in nature, when I try to restore those grouts in my shower to their former glory, or when I force myself to meditate just a tat longer than my legs would prefer. Similarly, I found that I tap into the flow by simply doing, albeit sometimes against my own will, like carrying my reluctant body into that cycling class, letting myself write freely and without constraints on a blank document, and even deliberately putting my pile of unfolded laundry in places I simply cannot overlook or ignore.

• How do you navigate imposter syndrome, or how did you conquer it if no longer an issue?
  • I found it helpful to externalize the symptoms of imposter syndrome (IS)/imposter phenomenon (IP) by considering factors that may have initiated/contributed to its intensity systemically and relationally. The automatic responses of self-doubt, anxiety, and perfectionism, for example, were either internalized narratives learned through our childhood experiences, or actual experiences of subjugation and being “othered”.My relationship with IS/IP seems to make more sense when I consider my identities as a gay child who grew up in an un-affirming culture and later worked in professional environments that aren’t always aware of their microaggressions toward POC, in a country where the socioeconomic system continues to perpetuate racial and social injustice toward BIPOC.

    The habitual practice to recognize my experiences and normalize my automatic responses has helped me better cultivate self-compassion and empathy and work against my maladaptive/unhelpful patterns of self-doubt, anxiety, perfectionism, the fear of failure, and the fear of success.

• If you could have dinner with anyone alive or dead, who would it be?
  • My late paternal grandfather. I have never met him. He died when my dad was still very young, so most of the stories I’ve heard of him were from my greataunt and late greatuncle. I have a picture of him and I am often perplexed by just how much we look alike. My greataunt added that we have similar temperaments.

• What piece of culture did you last consume?
  • I was snacking on mini cheese bite sandwiches while putting on a moisturizing mask (modern beauty standard, the notion of “self-care”, cosmetic industry) and inputting my clinical hours (technology, education, the adherence to the standard of the mental health industry).

• What activity instantly calms you?
  • I have found that a drastic temperature change usually does the trick, e.g. hot/cold showers, taking a quick stroll out in the cold in winter, and sitting in a cozy sauna at the gym. If those methods are not available—i.e. I am in session—a quick micro-to-macro visualization (i.e. zoom out from where I am sitting to get a bird’s-eye view of the Earth, our solar system, our galaxy, and then zooming back in; reminding myself that we are sitting in relative stillness despite the fact that the Earth itself is rotating—while orbiting the sun—while the sun and the rest of the planets in our solar system are orbiting Sagittarius A, a massive blackhole in the center of our Milky Way Galaxy) has proven effective for me.

• Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
  • It has to be “How does it make you feel?” In all seriousness, a friend of mine has pointed out that I often say “Look at you!” when I am excited about their achievements. “Oh my goodness, you got a *insert gamer lingo*, look at you!” or “Look at you, you moved AND found a new job! You are killing it!”, or “AH, you are already in the family planning stage?! LOOK AT YOU!”

• What is a family meal or dish that you remember fondly?
  • As an Asian immigrant with Cantonese roots, I am overwhelmed by the flood of memories of incredible meals/dishes that come to mind; to pick out just one almost feels like a betrayal to the many others who have lavishly spoiled me. Still, if I must, it would perhaps be the soy sauce honey glazed crispy wings stuffed with stir-fried sticky rice my mother has no recollection of ever making (we had it three times at best). Aside from the explosion of flavors and the intricately layered textures within each wing, what caught my attention most about this dish is the sheer labor it requires—the chopping, the deboning, the stuffing—a labor of love.

• Which family member or friend has had the greatest impact on how you relate to others?
  • While I know we can all agree that it is impossible to objectively quantify the impact a person has on my life, the first person that came to mind is my younger sister. Time and again, she taught me the importance of sharing, the value of being gentle, and the impact of vulnerability. She is also a calm, collected, and logical person, and I have learned to better communicate, problem-solve, and articulate my thought process from her. I also admire her ability to set her inner child free often. These few sentences do not fully capture the impact of her existence on my life.

• Are there new or pressing issues (or societal trends) that you find are impacting client’s relationships and mental health?
  • A couple of things that come to mind include the misuse and misunderstanding of psychology/psychotherapy language so often seen on social media. This is not a new issue, but Tikko’s popularity has exacerbated the spread of misinformation to another level. Some examples include mistaking all asks/demands as boundary setting, self-indulging behaviors as self-care, normal behaviors as “relationship red flags”, etc. The other that I foresee would come up is the devastating reality of ongoing wars in the world that resulted in very divisive opinions that condone extreme ideas such as genocides and ethnic cleansing.

• What do you consider the most underrated virtue?
  • Joy. I appreciate this definition of joy I found online: Choosing to respond to external circumstances with inner contentment and satisfaction.

• What’s your best piece of relationship advice?
  • I would expand on the common “communication is key” advice and say “Communicate with integrity and an intention to understand is key.” Paul Watzlawick and Carl Whitaker are among the few that came to mind in the discourse regarding congruent and effective communication.

• How would you describe therapy to an alien?
  • Since I doubt we’d understand each other, I might have to use the family sculpting technique to show them what I do. The interaction would probably look like a dance instructor trying to teach their students. By observing, demonstrating, and coaching—not just through movements, but also through their emotions, intentions, responses, and reactions—together as an ensemble, to smaller parts, to individual parts—the goal is for the clients to feel comfortable on the stage by themselves as well as with everyone else “performing” with them.